My sister is dying; she has cancer and got covid last year that kicked everything up into high gear. I saw her in the beginning of the summer, her beloved companion and caregiver had died suddenly of a heart attack in March, and my two brothers and I went to pay witness to his celebration of life. She lives 7 hours away. Emotionally we are farther apart, we’ve had a complicated relationship from the beginning. She was the first born and I was the last with my two brothers sandwiched in between. We were brought up in the same household but somehow had vastly different experiences.  She left home early, off to venture into the world for experiences outside of our small bubble of dysfunction. 

My sister is dying, and I am a hospice nurse, and she does not want my help. I am a reminder of her pain; she is wrestling with end-of-life emotions and my presents does not bring her comfort. When I arrived her first comment was “Don’t touch me!”- knowing full well I want to assess her situation, she did not want me to know she was dying from grief.  She had not eaten in days and was unable to keep sips of fluids down, it was hard to watch as she refused any medication of comfort. She was determined not to need my knowledge- this was her journey.

The second thing she said to me was “I wasn’t a very good sister to you-“  It was true. I appreciated her words but refused to add to her pain, I replied- “We were children then, everything is okay now” It wasn’t, but my need for healing and her need for healing did not involve rehashing old hurts.  Choosing instead to allow her to wander in her own emotional landscape without adding to her emotional pain was my gift to her.

After we left, she perked up and ate a hamburger, ice cream and pie- she never ate sugar or red meat prior-in fact I was often admonished for my raging sweet tooth.  After we left, she indulged in things she had denied herself for whatever reason.  She had a few better days as was reported though the grapevine. But her dying journey continued in waves- up and down with 24-hour nursing in place now. Now I wait- for the phone call.  I have reached out to her and once again was admonished by her, “Please stop asking….” So, I have. My heart hurts but I respect her wishes because despite our complicated relationship I love my sister deeply. She holds part of my childhood in her heart as I hold hers.

The human story is often difficult and convoluted, but the Soul story is clear and knows the joys of challenging times, the need to grow and stretch ourselves to become more. I try to remember this as I know my sister is one of my greatest teachers. I wish her a safe journey to the Afterlife where so many are waiting to greet her Home.