There is a saying I am not overly fond of- “Everything happens for a reason”.  Cliches can be so annoying, especially when they are right.  I have returned, back to where I was 6 months ago, but I am not the same person.  I took a job at another hospice lured by a friend by promises of rebuilding and reshaping the current hospice team.  This quickly digressed into a ‘dumpster fire at an oil refinery.’ There were many issues out of my control, and it was prudent on my part to leave.  It was a disappointment for sure, as I had aspired to something greater, but all was not lost.  It was a huge learning experience for me. 

First and foremost, I realized the vast knowledge I had about hospice in general, when you see things being done incorrectly your knowledge pops to the surface and revolts!  I also realized how incredibly difficult a job management is, and if one is not supported it is an impossible task at best.

Second, I learnt about myself, my discontent and where I was able to take responsibility for it.  Healthcare is a business, and hospice is no exception, this is beyond my control.  I was able to see myself more clearly, what was mine and what was not.  I have case managed on and off for 17 years, it is a huge responsibility, one my heart cannot take anymore.  I carry my patients in my heart and my heart breaks over and over again.  I changed my position, and I feel this will work better for me.

Third, Time verse Money.  I am getting older, my priorities have changed, I would rather have more time with those I love than things. 

And lastly, I cannot express the love I felt from my former/current coworkers.  I forget often that I am loved. It is silly of me, I know, but I am so focused on giving love that I forget to receive it.  This was my best lesson.  I am loved, how wonderful is that?

Sometimes we need to change our situation so our vision can become clearer.  I am grateful for every moment as it leads to where I need to be, here, being loved and giving love.

What is better than that? A new puppy …. but that is another story.